Twilight in York: Volume One

Thanks so much Teresa!

Twilight in York: Volume One is the first in a two-volume, narrative nonfiction work. The first volume was published November 14, 2023 by a hybrid publisher called Palmetto Publishing.

The two volumes are based on the events of the latter half of 2007, when I was on and off the streets of York, Pennsylvania. These were the last days of my existence as an active addict, hence, the “twilight” period between drug use and recovery. I stayed in several halfway houses, had friends who were kind enough to let me sleep in their homes, and sometimes stayed at a nearby shelter. My drug of choice was dextromethorphan or “DXM.” Frequently broke, I would steal it from local drug stores and ingest it.

In volume one, I am introduced to street life by a young man native to York, whom I meet my first night on the streets. Soon, a whole world opens up. My new friend is experienced and has already adapted to what is for me a brand-new life. He is very connected and knows which drugs can be bought from whom. He freely shares of his relative wealth—he becomes like a brother to me. We are always together—up until the day I leave York in volume two.

There comes a point where an addict senses his own futility, his own demise, but remains powerless to his own craving for a drug. He knows the gravity of his problem, the certain ruin his path is surely leading him to, but he still cannot simply stop. As things get worse and he sees his own doomed fate, it opens the door to full and complete morbidity, despair—hell on earth.

Both volumes have a lot of explicit drug use—in the spirit of, say, Hunter S. Thompson. Hunter S. Thompson is another influence for his blurring the boundary between fiction and nonfiction. I tell a true story in first person, but while controlling my power as the narrator to fictionalize and contemplate, sometimes relating more than I could possibly know (about someone I have just met, for example). Thompson was a journalist, but he broke from more traditional journalism practices by inserting himself into the story and appealing to his own emotions. His perspective was thereby subjective and impressionistic. I draw from William S. Burroughs for his morbidity and, at times, monotony (especially with respect to temporary employment, realities of working conditions within the manufacturing industry, assembly-line mentality, and a disposable workforce). Also of note about Burroughs is his brutal honesty of the addict lifestyle. Wolfe for his pioneering autobiographical fiction. Doestevsky for psychological elements, satire of class structures, and realism. Steinbeck for moral decline of society. Orwell’s Down and Out in Paris and London is comparable, in that it gives a firsthand look at a time when unemployment and homelessness were rampant and all but commonplace. Bukowski for his alcoholism, inability to keep a job, and basic vagrancy that naturally follows. I do keep the autobiographical pact. But both volumes also point to a solution, which is realized at the end of volume two when I finally get clean. It is a story about immense suffering of a variety known only to the addict, the junky, the dope fiend.

The realities of the life of the drug addict are explained to the reader by one, through his (my) eyes. A beat enthusiast, I portray my closest friend in the novel as a modern Neal Cassady (with Kerouac as myself). I have worked to mimic Kerouac’s mastery of spontaneous prose and his passion. There is the appeal of city life, poverty, and a sense for Buddhism, which jives with the suffering and numbness associated with addiction to drugs and homelessness. With disharmony. The narrator pursues distortion of the senses and enhancement of creative faculties through drugs. Just as Kerouac wrote On the Road partly as a window into the beat lifestyle, my memoir-esque, narrative nonfiction book portrays street life and homelessness the way a small group of young adults lived it and saw it. Poverty. It explores the insides of halfway houses, some better than others. It even covers the travesties of cheaply hired, temporary labor. It addresses the stigmas of both addiction and homelessness.

What happened to the beat generation? Simply a group of people, lost in the maelstrom of great literary success. Yet we see their impact on present society. Today we have modern day equivalents, such as Mad Love in New York City, made into a film (Heaven Knows What), Bukowski, Steve Roggebuck. Tom Waits. My work Twilight in York is the window into an underground society often marginalized and ignored, a society of addicts living their day-to-day lives on the street. A society swept under the carpet, not taken seriously. Yet we have our own argot and dialect, our own music, our own lifestyle . . . does that not amount to—and meet the criteria with which to be considered—“culture”?

But throughout the book, there is the continually reinforced notion that the life of the drug addict is the worst life can be imagined, incredibly painful (both emotionally and physically)—a legitimate kind of hell. It never takes a break from this. Drawn from memory, I was a young man living a tortured life, always struggling. My heart was thrown into a contorted, tormented state as I noticed the effects of my drug abuse on myself and others. This corruption and inability to stop was all from the complete duress of a raging, explosive addiction to drugs. The human will falls so far short of affecting this problem, this compulsion, so ineffective as to remain hardly touched at all. The result is a state of conflict in a person where one impulse (to use) majorly contradicts the other (to live without drugs). The two impulses wrestle, and the former usually wins. This inefficacy to approach the problem is further demonstrated in the futility of the efforts of parents and administrators. The person who steps in to help has to be an addict himself. I am attempting to be that person for many as the author of this book; anyone not a part of the game (parents, responsible friends) are promptly ignored by the addict and the alcoholic. The book is very dark and its components potent beyond normal imagining. I still have guilt to this day.

At the end of the second volume, my biological brother and mother drive up from Baltimore to pick me up and take me to rehab. The morning of the day they pick me up, I get high for the very last time. I managed to stay away from alcohol and substances since then. That was in 2007.

My intended audience includes the homeless, fellow addicts and alcoholics, family of addicts and alcoholics (common interest), beat generation fans, and street rats and hip-hop fans. Parents have asked me in desperation what to do about their children who use and drink. Addicts may not agree with the message, but they will identify with the lifestyle and culture. Homelessness is a lesser understood phenomenon, and I have had peer editors tell me of the knowledge they gained about homelessness by reading my book, acknowledging how hard it is.

A lot of books have been written on the subject (by authors such as John Eddy, David Poses, and Timothy Ryan). I found that most memoirs that entertain drug addiction fall under two categories: ones that end with a rather clichéd, happy ending (“telling my story” kind of thing), and those that talk about using drugs in all its degradation and misery but do not bother with a solution (“Requiem for a Dream,” “Naked Lunch,” or “Junky,” for example). I think there is more power in the latter approach because the message is undeniable and the same at every instance and variation—do not use drugs because this is what will become of you. THIS is the harsh, inexorable reality. Naked Lunch is a good (old, but good) book comparison because it portrays the life of a junky on the street as the junky sees it. BISAC codes for the book include “self-help” but it is also a literary accomplishment—a work of art. I take pride in the lyrical, raw detail and aesthetic vicissitudes of my work.

Really I have written a literary piece in the classic sense, but I am hoping too that it will help and change those who want help.

Word count for volume one: 62,500. Volume two: 64,000.